Session 4 pastoral counseling training; “The Beginning of the End”

My mother, age 86, visited me recently after her first fall.  As a nurse, I am all too aware that as people age it is the dreaded fall that often leads to one’s demise.  Over the years, my mothers’ appetite has declined significantly and she has become extremely frail.  She was fortunate that she had no serious broken bones from her first fall, but it definitely took its toll on her.  Her balance is poor and she is clearly another accident waiting to happen.

Within minutes of my mother arriving at my home (she lives in Florida) she fell when I left her side for a split second to turn on the light.  Seeing my mother on the floor, looking as helpless as a bird with a broken wing, tore my heart out!  It was I who was injured (psychologically), not her, fortunately.  For weeks that image has haunted me.  I feel certain that this was her final visit to my home.

For years every time I have ministered to a dying elderly woman I somehow try to prepare myself for my own mothers’ death.  My mother and I are extremely close.  We talk on the phone several times a week, although that has become a challenge as she has less and less to say and her interest in whats going on in my life is waning.

I have found myself somewhat self absorbed with my own aging process.  Every time I am in the presence of someone with a crippling disease such as end stage ALS, Parkinsons, MS or Huntingtons’ Disease, I picture myself trapped in my own body trying to fathom what that is like; not to be able to speak or move my body.  I have witnessed far too many atrosities and so much suffering in my forty years of nursing and I think it is beginning to take its toll.  The good news is that it helps me to be ever so grateful for what most people take for granted like the gift of sight, the ability to walk and talk; pretty much life itself.  It just overwhelms me at times to witness what the human body must endure.  I continue my search for the meaning of suffering and pray that i will have the Grace to embrace/endure whatever my destiny has in store for me.  Blessing to you all and may you always be in gratitude.