When I was in nursing school some 40 years ago, I was at a blues bar in Worcester, Ma. I was talking with a guy at the bar who rather than try to pick me up, gave me a 20 dollar bill and thanked me for being such a compassionate listener! (I felt flattered and rejected all in the same moment !) In the nineties I found myself struggling with depression and talk therapy was not helping at all. I remember waking up one therapist during our session, telling him he was missing my best material (2 nurses bagged at the border). I decided to become my own therapist and entered a graduate program for counseling psych. My classic line is that it took me two and a half years and cost me 10,000 dollars to learn that it is relationship that heals!
Bereavement counseling is much more challenging than I ever imagined. I thought my many years as a hospice nurse would have prepared me for the job but it is much more difficult than I had imagined. I have always heard the expression ‘dying is easy, it is living that is so difficult.’ Though many people who may be in the throws of the dying process may be offended by this statement, I have to say that this has been my experience. I had no idea the pain and suffering those who are left behind must endure. The grief journey is a long, lonely, personal experience that is life altering. There are many factors involved in the healing process of grief. Coping skills, support systems, willingness to feel and work through the pain, and working toward reinventing oneself are among the many. It is so important for people to honor the process and give themselves permission to grieve. This is no time for placing expectations on yourself or others. Grief takes as long as it takes and it is different for everyone. As exhausting and annoying as the tears may be, they are healing and should never be apologized for. My favorite line is ‘let your tears water your soul.’ Laughter is important as well and not feeling guilty for it. As with all aspects of life, finding the balance is key.
I run 3 grief groups and each participant has given their permission for me to share what transpires during these sessions. The three cardinal rules for any grief group are confidentiality, no interruptions, and no one HAS to speak. Surely i will be ever so diligent in respecting confidentiality. I thank and applaud everyone who walks through the door of any grief group. It is not an easy thing to do but most people who do muster up the courage to do so are generally so glad they did. Blessings to you all and a very special ‘thank you’ to those who are willing to share their grief journey!
The Miracle of Hospice 